Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
