Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.

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(253): View more from Washington

so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning

(1-253): View more from Washington

because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'

(253): View more from Washington

no more ever clear

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(614): View more from Ohio

Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.

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(907): View more from Alaska

marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it

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(309): View more from Illinois

You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.

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(309): View more from Illinois

My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.

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(516): View more from New York

you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..

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(804): View more from Virginia

I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way

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