sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
