Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
