We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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