They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
