He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
