You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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