rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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