I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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