so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
