I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
