Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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