I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
