mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
