dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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