Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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