Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
