Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
