I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
