Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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