The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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