Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
