wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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