It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
