I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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