I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
