I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
