and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
