i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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