I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
