is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
