Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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