Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
