Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
