Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
