You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
