Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
