I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
