someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I understand Curling. That high.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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