this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
