I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wish I only lived at night.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
