I hate all girls vehemently.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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