I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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