I'm jealous of your bromance
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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