he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
