I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
