i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
