Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
