I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
